Monthly Archives: April 2011
Habit
People say, that habit is 2nd nature of human. Yeahhhh…
I was sleeping on 2 pillows, and I thought, that it’s ok. But when my cousin and aunty came to me at Easter, I had to give 1 pillow…. and i realised, that I sleep better on 1 pillow only.
It’s silly example, but it proves, that habits can make our life limited, and closed for new possibilities.
Sometimes we have to change something or even risk lost, to uncover new things in life.
So, lets break habits! And lets enjoy new things in life 
Friendship
Friend is like safe harbour in storms of life.
My friend made phone call to me, when I was at work. I couldn’t talk to much, because kids could kill each other, when I was not watching them. Today again they were in mood for arguing from every silly reason. But my friend needed to talk, so I tried to cheer her up.
She was a bit depressed, because things at work didn’t go perfect. Somebody disappointed her. Besides she was accused for things not being her fault. Nobody likes it.
She is calling me often, when things at her work are going not well, and when she needs to talk.
She is making some cakes today for somebody’s wedding. One is with vodka. She was kidding, that she will buy a bottle, and she will add to cake a bit of vodka, and drink the rest.
I told her, that she shouldn’t stress her self with silly things. That maybe in her eyes absence of mineral water on tables and similar things could seem a big problem, but most of the people didn’t notice anything.
She felt better after talking with me… and all kids were alive, when I finished talking with her
It’s good to have friends, who have a time and will to talk with us, when we need them. Who care for us always.
Real friend is real treasure… and it’s not only popular sentence, but the truest truth.
Where is my mind?
I wish to write something, but I lost inspiration. Maybe it’s laziness because of Easter.
I had guests since 5 days. My aunty and cousin. I didn’t see them very long time. Many years. They live far from me. It was nice surprise to see them after years.
I was cooking a lot, and spending a lot of time close to table. hehe… especially, that my two brothers with kids came like always at Easter.
I feel the best in my own company. Two new people in house it was almost crowd for me. But they went home today morning, and I miss them…
Tomorrow, I’ll have busy day, so I finish for now.
Have a nice time. Whatever time is there.
How to earn big money on net?
I wish to know. 
I wrote it to check how many people will visit my blog. But I promise, that if I find an answer, for sure I’ll write about it here. If you find an answer 1st, please write about it to me.
But maybe people are right, that love is worth more, that all money of the world… What do you think?
About thinking & emotions
So many thoughts are running through my mind every time. Some people say, that I think too much. But what it means? That I should stop using brain?
All people are functioning on 3 levels: thinking, feelings, and emotions. There should be a harmony between all of them to live life for the fullest, and to enjoy it, and be happy.
My teachers of sociotheraphy told me, that I am functioning mostly on 1 level. Level of thinking. That I’m analysing, and judging all the time. That I don’t let my self to free feelings and emotions to enjoy life. That I should learn from kids that ability.
But my trying of freeing emotions then finished with crying since long time. But I’ll tell you whole story…
There were 15 people in my group. 14 women and 1 man. On our 1st class lasting 5 days (we had classes in some old palace) I claimed him all for my self. I did nothing. Like always. But whole my life, since childhood till now, it was like that. I didn’t have to do anything to announce my presence, and men were following me anyway. Although I’ve never flirted, and I’ve never been showing temptations to them. It’s some mystery, which even me I don’t understand.
Returning to my story. Adam, that man from my group, was spending all the time in my company. I guess, that he felt insecure in company of so many women, and none man. I was giving him feeling of security. And he was giving me the same. We were sitting in the corner, in our own shell. But after some time many of girls had a grudge against me, that I claimed him whole for my self. That it wasn’t fair. I fell under pressure, and I decided to stay away from him. He was sad, and I felt so lonely and insecure. But it was necessary to learn something.
The truth was, that sociotheraphy was working over emotions. Adam and me didn’t want to free them on public. We stood far from the rest of group, watching from distance what’s going on. We didn’t want to join all that madness. When I decided to leave him, I decided to let myself to free emotions, and to push him for doing the same. Then we could learn better. Being in the center of events, not watching them from distance. Leaving safe shell of Adam’s company was painful, but thought me alot. Much more, than staying on a distance, and watching others only.
Very often we prefer to be blind for the truth, and to stay in safe shell of ignorance. Especially, when going out can be very painful. But sometimes we have to risk, and go out. To KNOW, to UNDERSTAND, to LEARN.
Laziness
laziness can be our the worst enemy sometimes. It’s killing many opportunities, and wasting talents given by God. But I can bet, that many of us felt like numb although once.
When I started my blog, I promised my self updating it regularly. But I am not a fonder of doing anything by force. Writing, where there is nothing to write doesn’t have any sense. At least for me.
So sorry for my laziness, but I’ll write new article, when I’ll find inspiration. Now I’m enjoying spring, and I wish you the same:)
About hurting. Mean who is who?
When I was at university, I was sad once, because I felt hurted by some man. I expected support from my best friend, but she said: ” Did you think ever, that you are hurting men?” No, I didn’t, that’s why I asked: “How I am hurting them? I’m trying to be nice mostly.” She answered:” You are hurting them by giving them hope, and then leaving.”
Yesterday somebody reminded me that old story. One of my best buddies called me egoistic, and cruel, because I was ignoring him since some time. Few days ago he offended me, and he was keeping doing that although I told him, that I felt hurted, and I wont forgive him this time. But he was mad at me, and he couldn’t stop himself.
I guessed, that he felt hurted by me. But instead of answer for my question – “What I did wrong?”, he was keeping offending me, and expecting, that I’ll read in his mind.
Yesterday I got offline messages from him on yahoo:
“- miss u
– but u r still cruel
– n i lov u still
– but u r still dumb
– but i lov u still
– u r a darling although u dun use ur brain n u r egoistic
– n i still lov u
– u r a darling buddy but u still dont understand
u r a typical women….
– but still i miss u”
It was really beautiful… and I felt really without brain, that I didn’t notice anything before. Mean I felt something, but I chose not see it.
I felt hurted many times, but the truth is, that I was giving hurts many times also. Many times subconsciously, but it doesn’t justify me. We don’t have to be rude to hurt. Sometimes it’s enough to be blind for somebody’s feelings.
Most of problems between men and women are lieing in problems in communication. When we feel hurted, mostly we are keeping pain inside, instead of saying straight, what’s going wrong. We are cumulating that pain, and we are keeping hurting each other. In the end mostly we even don’t remember why all that started, and who hurted who 1st.
Sometimes it’s really difficult to answer, who is a victim, and who is an aggressor? Mostly both in one. Mostly people, who are hurting others, are doing this because they felt hurted before. It’s really mad circle.
It doesn’t make any sense, because nobody can be a victor in that silly game. Everybody gets wounds. Really much better is talking straight, what’s going wrong. It’s not so easy sometimes, but not impossible. Sometimes good will from both sides is enough.
“If there is a good will, there is great way.” (Shakespeare) So try to say straight: ” I think…”, “I feel…”, I expect…” And life will become probably much easier.
About missing
It’s easy to say “people go in and out in our life, it’s natural”, especially on virtual… but it’s not easy to accept it always. Some people gave us to many feelings, and emotions to forget them easily, and accept their absence.
It’s funny, that people, who I liked the most, were in many things similar to me. Some of them so much, that some people were suspecting them for being me
Always, when somebody is disappearing from my life, I feel some vacuum. There was somebody special to me, and then stood emptiness. But even if people leave me in anger, there will be always some profit for me from meeting them. Some useful things. Some knowledge.
People say, that I have some special skill – I can turn my failures into successes. It’s really not so easy. But yes, I can do it… but I prefer successes without failures before
It’s my day for missing. For missing people, who were important in my life, but they disappeared. I wish to get them back in my life… but sometimes better is to close some chapters in life, and go toward future… But not forget them, and good moments we were sharing together. Just to keep good memories, and go ahead.
I am not the God… mean how to enjoy work.
I have that luck, that kids love me. And I have that luck, that people, who are paying me since almost 11 years are able to see that
Yesterday I was thinking about my work and kids, with whom I work. They are really amazing. Sometimes naughty and very noisy, but mostly sweet.
On the beginning, I didn’t like my work. It wasn’t, what I was dreaming about. I prefered to work with teenagers. I had great communication with them. I was a bit afraid of kids. Especially little ones. I was afraid, that I wont find a way to communicate with them. That I am to serious.
With time, and some courses of self perfection, I changed my point of view, and I started enjoying my work.
Before, very often, when I was coming back to home from work, I was terrible tired. But after those courses, I found my self smiling or even laughing on the way from work to home. I was laughing remembering, what funny kids did.
Sometimes I’m dieing from laugh with kids. For example, when in some play on command “on the horse”, when kids have to find another to jump fast like on the horse, one girl tried to jump on some small boy, and second was pulling his leg to make him jump on her. Poor boy And I learned to play with them. I’m laughing with them, when I make something funny.
Not always is nicely. I work with kids from pathological families, with problems in school, and with kids in their age. It’s not easy to teach them to solve problems peaceful way, to not show agression. To discuss points of views, not to argue using laud voice and humilitations. I’m always repeating them – “don’t do to others, what you don’t want to they do for you”. When some kid, who hurted before other kids but not right attitude, is coming to me to cry, becouse some other kids did the same for her/ him, I’m saying – It wasn’t nice, and she/he should say sorry, but now you feel, what they felt, when you were acting the same way. So don’t do that anymore. And you will see, that they will treat you also better”.
Many times, when I was strong in my decisions, some kids were crying and threatening me, that they wont come on my group anymore. It was, when they couldn’t get from me, what they wanted, when I didn’t take their side in some dispute. But they were always coming back. They know, that I am always trying to be justify and objective. And when I said – “you are not right, try to think peacefully, and you will see, that your attitude wasn’t nice and correct,” I had real reasons to say so.
When I was starting my work, I had to weak heart to act strong with kids. But soon I learned, that consequence is the best way of teaching them anything. Since the beginning kids know, that there are some limits, which I’ll never let them across. I can’t accept vulgar language, laud voice while discussing, lies, and 1st of all, they can’t hurt each other physically, and emotionally. I am able to close my eyes for many things, and let them to do almost all, but not across those limits.
I thought, that even if I lost my job, nobody will take from me, all great things, which I experienced. Kids love, changes in them made with my help. All joys, all experiences. It’s my profit, which nobody can’t take away from me.
I like watching effects of my work. Changes in kids, consolidation of group. But I learned also to accept fact, that not always we can get, what we planned. I am not the God. I am only human. My abilities are limited. Not always I can claim, what I want.
