Monthly Archives: May 2011

Recipe for love

Weekend started, and I am to lazy to write something new. I decided to use somebody’s words. I have many pictures like this on my pc ;)

This picture can seem to be funny, but recipe is not so bad.

Ridders on the storm


Title of the famous song of The Doors inspired me to write this post. Or maybe what happened today reminded me this great song. It doesn’t matter. Just, what happened to me today, was very impressive.

I went to work by bicycle. 2 kilometres only, so it was a nice trip. Sun was touching my face, and there was pleasant wind. Giving fresh touch, and not disturbing.

A while before I had to go back home, I heard noisy thunders. And I could see flashes of lightness. Storm was coming. I decided to go home, believing, that this time also God will protect me.

I was bicycling hearing thunders after my back. Wind became stronger. Flashes of lightness were appearing more often. But even one drop of the rain didn’t touch me. I felt few of them only, when I was at door.

It was really amazing! How I could stop believing in God’s protection and care? How I could stop believing in his existence?

I believe, that he sees all, although we can’t see him. I believe, that he listen to us, and he is giving us answers for our prayers.

Sometimes, we can’t understand his ways, but he loves us, and all, what happens, happens from some reason. And all bad will turn finally into something good for us.

Fear of freedom

We are losing many chances in life from fear, that we can lose something, what we have. Even if in real it’s not very valuable. We are not able to see, how many possibilities we are losing from fear of change.

When I was a kid, and since many years later, I felt a fear of hight. I couldn’t climb on anything to not feel dizzy. It was strange, but I liked alot mountains, and often I was going there. I didn’t feel fear of hight there.

I remember one trip to the highest mountains in my country. We were going by bus on hight pass, and clouds were down. We could feel like flying over clouds. Who saw although once such view, knows what I’m talking about. So so beautiful view, and amazing feeling being over clouds and seeing tops of mountains arround. Maybe flying by plain is similar, but for sure not the same.

In life we have also fear of hight. We are often chosing safe place in the middle. We are afraid of risk, and going higher. We are afraid of breaking rules, comfortable habits. We are afraid of unknown.

We are living in society. Sometime we are even like slaves for it. We are afraid of doing anything against its rules. And we are suffering, when we are resigning from something very important for us from fear of breaking rules of society, and being punished then with excluding from it.  We are afraid of being free. We are afraid of self freedom, because its equal with taking bigger responsibility for our life.

Society can be cruel, and punish badly a person who dared to break its rules. It’s not easy to go against it.  It needs sometime very big inner power. But you remember English prince, who resigned from being a king because of love for some american woman? After him, none rules should seem  impossible to break.

Message to my enemy

You are trying, and trying to destroy me, and hurt me with hands of people dear to me. You still don’t understand, why you can’t touch me? What is giving me so big strength to survive all your dirty attacks? Answer is very easy. I feel all the time God’s protection and care. If you can’t believe it, you won’t believe in God at all.  I believe. And I believe, that He is justify judge. That He sees all. That He can read in our hearts like in open books.

I don’t know, what reward I’ll get, when my day will come, but I trust God, and his justify judgement.

I am not going to church or mosque to pray. I am not making any silly ceremonies. I built the temple for God in my heart. That’s why He is with me all the time. Maybe it’s a bit rebellious, but I know, that God understands me.

I am not an angel, and I don’t pretend as you do. I made many mistakes in life, but I have a courage to convince to them.  I am imperfect, and I understand, that other people are also imperfect. That they can make mistakes. That’s why I’m forgiving so easily.

You are trying to destroy everything, what’s good and beautiful in my life. You are trying to destroy my every relationship. How you want to destroy my relationship with God? The only one really important for me. By giving him bullshits and lies about me, like you are doing with my friends? Do you really think, that you can cheat God like you do with people? If you believe it, so you really don’t believe in God’s existence. And in his ability of seeing everything.

I am not going to your world, so why you are trying to invade mine again and again with so many fake identities? Don’t you think, that it’s silly and childish?

God is love. It’s my duty to follow him. So I forgive you all lies, and all your evil acts. I love you my enemy, whoever you are. I’ll pray for peace of your soul and mind. For cleaning them from bad feelings and emotions. Stay in peace dear :)

New day – God is love

New day started. Funny way.  I got again rude comment. It’s becoming really funny. People, who have never met me, are judging me. The most funny is, that they are doing this with God’s name in the mouths.

God is love, and he is teaching us, how to love people… but people with his name on their mouths are spreading hate all arround. They are full of hate and aggression for me, just because I believe in God, and his protection, and I am talking about it. They forgot, that only God will judge us, when our day will come.

I am not able for hating anybody, even all those dirty people, with masked faces, who are insulting me, and my best friends since more, than 2 years.  I’ll rather pray for their souls.

I experienced many miracles in life. I feel God’s protection all the time. He is sending me his angels, when I need help. He is giving me power to survive everything.  God exists! I know it.

I love this Psalm from Holy Bible. There is essence of being human, essence of being God’s follower.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails… And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”


Little angels – you are not alone


Angels can’t take sometimes unexpected outlook. We are waiting for some cute blonde with wings, but they can be really difficult for recognising sometimes.

I like a lot pictures of little angels. But if you know me, you already noticed that ;)

I am collecting pictures of angels. I have a big collection of them on my pc. Maybe my passion  started, when a couple of years ago some little girl from my group made some cute drawing for me.

Her father made a suicide. But she tried to be strong being only 9 years old. She told me, that she likes a lot drawing angels and making gifts from them to people, whom she likes.

I have an angel, gift from that little girl, till now on my wall. It’ll be about 4 – 5 years. Over it is some other angel. Silver & white one from porcelain (china).

I belive in existence of angels. I felt protection of my Guardian Angel not once in my life.

The most funny, and the most surprising shape of angel I saw about 10 years ago. I was coming back home from some course. It was probably 5 days lasting – therapeutic skills. Or something else. But it was really difficult to pass through. We were working over deep hidden emotions. And we all felt exhausted after all.

I was strong as long as my friends from course were close. But when I stepped into the train, I lost control over all, what I closed inside me. And I couldn’t stop crying.

I noticed the presence of 3 young boys in almost empty train. They looked a bit scary. Especially one of them. He had glasses, but broken, and repaired not much professional. Under one eye he had violet bruise, and collar with nails on his neck.

I was afraid, that they can attack me or something, because I heard about such things. So when 3rd time they came along my place, in almost empty train, I was in real fear… but boy with broken glasses, bruise under the eye, and collar on the neck, smiled very nicely to me, and asked me some question about train. When it will go to some place. Or something like this. I answered, and we were talking a bit… and soon I realised, that my depression disappeared somewhere.

After some time I realised, that maybe me, with red from tears eyes, I didn’t look less strange, than my “angel” :)

Angels are taking different shapes. But they are always coming to us when we really need them. To cheer us up. So remember – you are not alone. There is always somebody who can hear us, and cheer us up. But sometimes we are too blind to see them. Especially, when we expect to see blonde persons in white clothes ;) Oh, I forgot about wings :)

I am me – farewell blondie.

And again somebody helped me to realise, that I should be always myself. That always, when I’m trying to play, who I’m not, I sound silly.

I am Sabina. Wise, intelligent, nice and honest person. And I hate every kind of false.

I am not any blondie, who can plan hunting a man.  But I know many of them.   “blondie’s diaries” were a fun from them. But making fun from people is not in my style. And I don’t like people, who are making fun from others. It’s so mean.

So – farewell blondie :)  I prefer to be dull, but myself :)


Dilemma

I had some problem with previous post. Mean “strength in weakness”. I placed it in “blondie’s diaries” and wrote it in pink. But when I read it after hours, I realised, that “blondie’s diaries” I made for fun, but my words about emancipation and being woman were serious. So I decided to change categories and colour of font.

Regarding emancipation, I give my self right for being weak, and to depend on a man… but with keeping autonomy.

Strenght in weakness.

Emancipation is killing many pleasures… I like receiving flowers, and poems. I like being adored.  I like feeling like a woman. I don’t wanna be a man in skirt.

I don’t want to nail, and to repair house or car. I didn’t say, that I can’t. I just prefer to men do it for me.  Besides, they are so much proud, when they can help weak woman. It’s real pleasure watching them at work then. Sometimes their trials are so funny, but they look really sweet when they can feel helpful .

In emancipation I like possibility of doing almost all, what men can do. But it shouldn’t be an order, but only possibility. Freedom means being free in decisions. And I decide to be weak woman, who prefers to ask man for help, instead of doing all hard work by myself. I chose being a woman under man’s protection and care. I’ll be strong, but when it’ll be really necessary.

Intelligent people are trying to learn everything and to do all by them selves. Wise ones ask for help better than them ;)

Life is about up & down

Even in the darkest night some light can appear. We just have to see a chance for us, and use it in proper time.

Hm, I didn’t plan to let “Blondie” rules in my blog ;) I let her come here for fun. I was thinking about making “Blondie’s diaries” another blog, and maybe I’ll do that, but now I’ll keep it as it is.

I am not any heartbreaker like blondie from my blog… Or maybe I am. I heard different opinions about me.  But I’ve never hurted anybody with premeditation. If it happens, it’ll just happen. I hate games with feelings.

Life is always going up and down. For everybody. I don’t know anybody, who is always up, and anybody, who is always down. Some people think, that they are down for ever, and nothing good can happen to them, but mostly they are wrong.

I got some useful ability of turning failures into successes.  When I feel, that I am on the bottom, I’m jumping hight… because I can feel ground under my feet :) So if you feel, that you can’t fall more down, feel the groud, and jump!

“When the darkness is the deepest new possibilities are borning”, “Every end can be a new beginning”, “What will not kill me, will make me stronger” – they are my favourite quotations. I experienced all this.  I experienced things, which could kill someone else or although push him/her in very deep depression. But I’m still alive, and I’m still smiling, and enjoying life.

When you feel, that you life doesn’t have any sense, come to me… and I’ll kick your ass to fly hight :)

Don’t let anybody and anything take control over your life. It’s your life, and only you can make it valuable. No matter what others say or do. They are guests in your life, but you are an owner.

Rise & fall lyrics:

Sometimes in life you feel the fight is over,
And it seems as though the writings on the wall,
Superstar you finally made it,
But once your picture becomes tainted,
It’s what they call,
The rise and fall [x2]

I always said that I was gonna make it,
Now it’s plain for everyone to see,
But this game I’m in don’t take no prisoners,
Just casualties,
I know that everything is gonna change,
Even the friends I knew before may go,
But this dream is the life I’ve been searching for,
Started believing that I was the greatest,
My life was never gonna be the same,
Cause with the money came a different status,
That’s when things change,
Now I’m too concerned with all the things I own,
Blinded by all the pretty girls I see,
I’m beginning to lose my integrity

Sometimes in life you feel the fight is over,
And it seems as though the writings on the wall,
Superstar you finally made it,
But once your picture becomes tainted,
It’s what they call,
The rise and fall

I never used to be a troublemaker,
Now I don’t even wanna please the fans,
No autographs,
No interviews,
No pictures,
Endless demands,
Give into vices that was clearly wrong,
The type that seems to make me feel so right,
But some things you may find can take over your life,
Burnt all my bridges now I’ve run out of places,
And there’s nowhere left for me to turn,
Been caught in comprimising situations,
I should have learnt,
From all those times I didn’t walk away,
When I knew that it was best to go,
Is it too late to show you the shape of my heart,

Sometimes in life you feel the fight is over,
And it seems as though the writings on the wall,
Superstar you finally made it,
But once your picture becomes tainted,
It’s what they call,
The rise and fall

Now I know,
I made mistakes,
Think I don’t care,
But you don’t realise what this means to me,
So let me have,
Just one more chance,
I’m not the man I used to be,
Used to beeeeeeeeeee

Sometimes in life you feel the fight is over,
And it seems as though the writings on the wall,
Superstar you finally made it,
But once your picture becomes tainted,
It’s what they call,
The rise and fall [x4]

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