Monthly Archives: June 2011

I am, who I am, and I don’t need your aproval.

I see, that I am in mood for fighting today 🙂 I just threw out from my heart, what I thought since very long time, but I covered from feeling of duty for  being always nice, and polite.

I have no agreement for humiliating people, no matter reason. I have no agreement for cruelty against women, children, animals. Only the worst cowards are attacking weaker, than them.

Man was created by God to protect women and children, not to be their persecutor. If some man doesn’t understand it, he shouldn’t be called a human.

Who are Talibans

Definition of Talibans: “Weak men with small brains, trying to cover their complexes with primitive cruelty. Cowards fighting with women and kids. Illiterates, who have never read Quran, but try to teach it others by force”.

When man can’t get respect by being wise, smart, honest, brave, he tries to scare people. It’s exactly, what Talibans are.

I have no respect for fanaticism, no matter religion. None fanatical believes in any God. They are fighting for them selves. Creed is only bloody excuse for killing innocent people. None God will justify it, and none God will give any reward for killing innocent people.   Only idiot can believe it.

I like alot movie “The kite runner”. It shows very well, what Talibans are.

I will be nobody’s property

Last days I realised something very clear. I can’t be Muslim wife. And it’s not because I am Christian, and I will always be. It’s because I know my value, and I wont let anybody to humiliate me in the name of creed.

Whole my life I had to care for myself, and for others. I was tired of this. I was fascinated Muslim world, where men are protecting women, and care for them and family. I didn’t want to see, that it’s not that kind of care, which I need. I need love, unconditional love. Not just care for personal property, for one from many possessions.

I wish to be loved, admired, respected and appreciated for who I am. Mean wise, intelligent, talented, sensible, loving and caring woman.

I am able to the biggest sacrifice for people, whom I love. I can even die for them. But I expect the same back. My friend called me in the past “woman with the biggest expectations”. But I’m never expecting more, than I am giving.

I wont let any man lie to me, cheat me, use me, betray me, humiliate me, just to keep him close. I prefer to be alone, than to live in relationship, where I’m not respected, where my needs, and my words mean nothing. And it’s about all men, no matter country, religion, colour of skin. In my job I met many women, victims of domestic violence. It happens everywhere.

Paolo Coelho wrote in “Alchemist”: “If somebody really loves you, he will let you live in agreement with your own legend”. I’m interested only in this kind of love. If somebody tries to change me by force, it wont be love then.

I’ll say, what I think, I’ll go, where I want to go, and I’ll do, what I wish to do. And I don’t need anybody’s permission to do so.  I have my own brain, and I’ll use it for my goodness. I appreciate care, and good advices, and I’ll always listen to them, but I’ll make decisions by myself, because it’s my life. If freedom is equal with being alone, i’ll be alone.

Cruel me… sometimes it’s necessary

I felt tired and I was missing vacations since some time… but this week it’s my last week at work before long holidays, and I am somehow sad.


I love kids with whom I work. My favourite ones are little devils. Today I was even fighting with one of them. He was to naughty, and he didn’t want to calm down. So I took his hand and I said, that he will walk with me hand in hand like little kid, if he can’t behave like big boy. Of course he ran away, and probably he even hated me since a while… but he stopped fighting with other boys.

Sometimes we’ll have to risk being hated by kids, if we want to teach them something. The same with our friends, with people dear to us. If we really care for them, we will risk their hate, even losing them, but we will tell them the truth, and we will try to protect them before suffering… but maybe I’m wrong, and we should let them suffer, because that way, they will learn more about life. hm

Today were last classes in that group.  Some girl gave me yummy chocolate. Before I was getting mostly apples, many flowers, and some small shining things. Girls stuffs. 😉

Tomorrow I’ll finish classes in next group, and after tomorrow in last one. Then I’ll get long holidays till September. It’s nice perspective, but I know, that soon I’ll be bored because of too much free time, and I will miss my little angels, and little evils too.

I love kids. They are so sweet, when they are little.

Hunch from honesty

My parents thought me to be honest always, no matter what. It’s like a hunch, especially on virtual…. but I like that my hunch, and I wont replace it with colourful wings of lies just to attract people.

It’s not easy to be honest always in world full of lies, and illusions. If you are honest and sincere, you’ll be taken by many people as a fool. They will try to cheat you, use you, and, in the best case, they will call you dull with your honesty and sincerity.  What’s funny in honesty? Nothing. But people on virtual are looking mostly for fun. Especially, if their real life is not funny at all.

People are running from real problems into virtual, into imaginary world, because here they can find all, what they are looking for. Mean cartoon heroes, and characters, perfect people, and perfect relationships.  And all is fine as long as they can see the difference between reality and illusions. And as long they don’t hurt others.

It’s easier and farther to get something by giving people, what they want to get.  By satisfying their needs with temptations and fake promises of heaven on the Earth. It’s like the trick well-known in marketing. It’s about selling the most useless thing, by convincing people, that it’s exactly, what they need, and they can’t live without.

I don’t agree with people, who say, that all is fair in love. I don’t agree, that if we want to get love we will can lie, cheat, and play. I don’t want to get feeling built on so cheap base. Not only because it will become ruin, like castles built on the sand, when the truth will be uncovered. I don’t want to get feelings by cheating, because it wont have real value for me.  Besides how long we can live in a lie?

Only real things have real value for me. To get them, I have to be real also.  If somebody really loves me, he will accept me as I am. With all my imperfections. Only such love has a chance to last for ever.

Real warm hug is worth much more, than imaginary ecstasy. At least for me.

You are everything I need and more – Beyonce “Halo”

I wont say anything this time. Just listen to the song, and enjoy it.

LYRICS:-

Remember those walls I built
Well, baby they’re tumbling down
And they didn’t even put up a fight
They didn’t even make up a sound

I found a way to let you in
But I never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of your halo
I got my angel now

It’s like I’ve been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin’
It’s the risk that I’m takin’
I ain’t never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I’m looking now
I’m surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you’re my saving grace

You’re everything I need and more
It’s written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won’t fade away

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo

Hit me like a ray of sun
Burning through my darkest night
You’re the only one that I want
Think I’m addicted to your light

I swore I’d never fall again
But this don’t even feel like falling
Gravity can’t forget
To pull me back to the ground again

Feels like I’ve been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin’
The risk that I’m takin’
I’m never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I’m looking now
I’m surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you’re my saving grace

You’re everything I need and more
It’s written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won’t fade away

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
Halo, halo

Everywhere I’m looking now
I’m surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you’re my saving grace

You’re everything I need and more
It’s written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won’t fade away

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo

Thank you Andres for sharing this song with me today 🙂

Letter to nowhere – questions with no answers.

Your silence does not hurt me now… Does it mean, that I love you no more? Does it mean, that I became wiser, and that, as self-defence reaction because of too much pain gotten before, I became a stone hearted?


I am not crying since long time. Does it mean, that I am cold now?  Or maybe it means, that I cried oceans, and my eyes became dry, and even when I want to cry, I just can’t?

You told me long time ago, that you knew, that you made a damage in me… So what, that you knew it? Should I suffer less because of that?

You told me – “Stop thinking about me. Stop hurting yourself”. My mind listened… but heart was duff. But if you knew, that there was no future for us, why would you play with my feelings? What kind of profit would you get from that game? My pain?

My friend told me, that we need balance between mind and heart in life. If we can’t get it, we won’t be happy, and our life won’t be complete. He didn’t tell me, how to find that balance.

There are a lot of questions. Mostly without answers. And even if we get answers, mostly it’ll be too late to safe anything.  If anyway we get something, mostly it’ll be only precious knowledge. About our selves. About people. About life. But does that knowledge can make us happy?

I am not sad. Not at all. I just wish to know answers.  But maybe I should stop making questions? Maybe I should stop thinking, and just catch a day?

I’m everything I am, becouse you loved me.

“For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I’ll be forever thankful baby
You’re the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You’re the one who saw me through through it all

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn’t speak
You were my eyes when I couldn’t see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach
You gave me faith ‘coz you believed
I’m everything I am
Because you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I’m grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don’t know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn’t speak
You were my eyes when I couldn’t see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach
You gave me faith ‘coz you believed
I’m everything I am
Because you loved me

You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You’ve been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn’t speak
You were my eyes when I couldn’t see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach
You gave me faith ‘coz you believed
I’m everything I am
Because you loved me

I’m everything I am
Because you loved me”

I received this poem, song performed by Celine Dion,  from some romantic friend of mine.

Love letters

Simple thing, but great voice of Alison Moyet made it amazing. Don’t you agree with me? I like her performance much more, than Elvis Presley one.

Love letters lyrics

Love letters straight from your heart
Keep us so near while apart
I’m not alone in the night
When I can have all the love you write

I memorize every line
And I kiss the name that you sign
And darling, then I read again right from the start
Love letters straight,from your heart.

I memorize every line
And I kiss the name, and i kiss the name that you sign
And darling, then I read again right from the start
Love letters straight,from your heart.

Letter to nowhere – you were all my life

Sometimes pain inside is so big that you have to share it to survive. So I started sending long time ago letters to account used no more by somebody, who gone.


Memories

I remember days, when you cared for me, when I felt special and unique. Our friend told me once, that she was visiting my page very often to see your human face. All people knew you as extremely arrogant boy, but you’ve never been like that for me. You were always nice, full of care and respect.

I didn’t want to fall in love with you. Not at all. I was to big realist to believe that there was any future for us. I don’t know, how it happened, that I fell in love with you. I really didn’t want it… maybe because I felt subconsciously, that it will kill me some day.

I didn’t want to fall in love with you, because I was afraid, that it’ll destroy everything, what was before.  I even didn’t suspect, how much I was right about it. If I knew it, I would never let myself to fall in love with you.

You broke my heart a while after I fell in love with you.  Like you were waiting for that moment to put a knife deep inside my heart, when it’ll hurt the most. Till now I don’t know, why all that happened to me? My the only fault was, that I loved you too much.

You were all my life. When you gone, I lost my reasons for life. It’s miracle, that I’m still alive.