Dr. Jeckyl & mr. Hyde
Yesterday Mystery, my new friend blogger, wrote about child abuse. Her article reminded me some story from my work. Reminded me, that domestic persecutors are mostly double-faced. One face for publicity and second, real one, for people who depend on them, children, partners, or old parents. Like dr. Jeckyl and mr. Hyde.
Some time ago I was helping some woman to divorce with her husband, who was persecuting her since 20 years. It was a part of my work. He beat her many times, and all the time was abusing her emotionally.
I knew both of them years before, but I didn’t know, what’s going on between them. What was the most interesting, most of the people, so I, were thinking, that she was that bad, and he was poor guy, who had a witch as wife. I’ll explain why. She was mostly grumpy, never smiling, becoming angry without a reason. I have to confess, I didn’t like her. I didn’t know her husband well, but he seemed to be nice and polite guy, always ready to help.
When that woman told me, what was going on in their house since 20 years, showed me documents from obduction after beating her, once she almost lost an eye, I was in shock. I asked, why she waited so many years to do something? She answered like many others victims of domestic violence – shame, feeling of guilty, numbness, powerlessness. She got a power to free her self from that toxic relationship, because her adult children gave her support.
It’s common, that after abuse, persecutor is asking for forgiveness, and when he get it, he behaves like an angel… till next abuse. Stronger, than previous. If you forgive again, it’ll become stronger again. If somebody abuse you once, you can forgive him, and give him a chance, but when abuse will repeat, leave him, because there is no chance to he could change suddenly. None miracle will be possible in this case. Especially, if he doesn’t have any will to change, and to go on some therapy. Mostly persecutors were victims of domestic violence when they were children, and they just don’t know other way of being in relationships. But it doesn’t justify them. Especially, if they do nothing to change it. To break that mad circle.
I helped her to complete documents for court. I prepared my opinion. I wrote there, what I wrote before, that domestic persecutors are mostly double-faced. That they seem to be nice, and good for neighbors, people at work, and all people arround, but at home, where nobody sees they are showing real faces, faces of monsters.
That woman divorced happily and very fast. And she totally changed. She is almost always smiling. She looks much much better. Like she got back life.
Here is that article about child abuse: http://mysterycoach.wordpress.com/2011/08/28/child-abuse/
Posted on August 29, 2011, in My Blogs and tagged abuse, domestic violence, double faced monsters, how to free from mad cycle, power to fight for yourself, relationships, self-defence. Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.