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Gift of love

It happened some time ago. I don’t know, why I thought about it right now. Maybe it’s “the proper time” to share that story.

Last eight years I was juror in court. Four years in criminal court, next four in family court. I didn’t apply for the next  cadence. I was tired from watching all those mischievous people hurting own kids. I couldn’t sleep at nights. But time to time there were cases, thanks which I was getting back my faith in goodness of human nature. The story will be about one of those cases.

There was the young couple. They decided to adopt some child. They went through all process, qualification, the course for candidates for substitute parents, and they took new-born child from the hospital, whose mother decided to leave her (it was the girl).  And finally they went to the court to become parents in law.

It was really pleasant to watch those young people happiness. Woman couldn’t have kids. Mean if she tried some treatment, she could have some own child, but her husband didn’t bother her with that idea. He loved her so much, that he cared for her more, than for having his own child.  He loved her since childhood. He said: “I knew since childhood, that she’ll be my wife. “

Judge had to ask, why they decided to adopt a child, and was it full  conscious decision? It was beautiful, what that young woman said: “When I was a child I decided, that if I have such possibility,  I’ll adopt some child. My friend was taken to the Orphans House. Children shouldn’t live in such places. “

When judge asked, what will happen, if they get their own child. They both said the same: “That little girl is our child. She will be always our first child.”

Judge, me, and second juror, we all had wet eyes. All that was so beautiful.

After judge announced, that they are full parents now, they were so happy. Such moments are worth living. Not every day we can watch so real and beautiful love.

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“Compromises” or “be loyal with your self”

Thoughts are flowing in my mind. There is a big crowd there. I wish to express them better. Especially in English, which is not my native language.

I think about being honest with my self, what it means, and how much it can cost? I’m not living on a desert island, but in society.  It has its rules. But how many compromises I can make to be still ME? And how much I can fight for being me to not become an outsider.

I made a list of priorities in my mind. The list of values, which I can’t resignate from, no matter what. And list of things, who are less important. It can change with age, and with getting life experience. The matter is, how I feel, when I make compromises. If I don’t feel comfortable, but like betraying myself , it’ll mean, that I went to far in compromising.

Caring for self comfort in being you doesn’t mean an egoism, but rather self-respect. Being, who you are not to please others can’t make you happy. Everybody has right to be happy, so you too.

Make compromises for people dear to you, but when they are ready to do the same for you. Don’t sell your self for nothing. If somebody loves you, he will let you live in agreement with your own legend. If not, why to please them?

Tell people dear to you about your desires, dreams, needs. Sometimes, they just don’t know, what can make you happy. If you keep silence, they’ll think, that all is fine.  They laugh at what you say? Find somebody, who won’t. Simple! Don’t stay with somebody from fear of being lonely, because the worst kind of loneliness is that one in relationship.

Life is the best teacher

Maybe I had to go trough all that pain to learn optimism. To learn appreciate small things in life. To appreciate life itself. So,  if pain taught me to be happy, I’ll have to be thankful God for that pain. 🙂

Remember always, who you are, no matter what

Probably everybody from us met in life some toxic person, who was trying to bring you down, to make them selves feel better. They are concerned on spoiling others life instead of making their own life better.  They are trying to make you feel bad, to make you feel worthless. Don’t let them! Remember, that if somebody is so much obsessed with making you feel worse, than you are in real, it’ll means, that you are much better, than you think. Find your talents, your abilities, remember who you were before that toxic person appeared in your life, and don’t let them to change you in person, who that sick person wish to see.

I met in my work victims of domestic violence. It was common almost to all their persecutors, that for neighbors, and even for  members of families of their victims they seemed to be utterely nice people. Their victims were mostly blamed by neighbors, members of family, friends, for being guilty.

You can imagine how victims of domestic violence felt, not having support anywhere.  Very often it was difficult to prove, that they were persecuted, because their persecutors knew, how to beat them to not leave signs, and how to destroy their victims psychics to than accuse them for being mentally sick to nobody believe them. And finally people could think, that persecutors were just utterly good people, who cared so much for their partners and their mental health, that they were angels, who had to live with evil people, who were accusing them for things, which they never did.

I was helping victims of domestic violence to get back self-esteem, to stand up with head high, to remember who they really are, to deprive their persecutors power over them.  There was some woman, who was suffering about 20 years. But she is free now. She is smiling again, and she seems to be finally happy in life. I was one from people, who helped her to be happy. And I’m proud of that.

Since childhood I was fighting with every kind of injustice. I was thinking about opening my own foundation to help people who are victims of injustice. It’s my dream. Maybe some day it’ll become true.

So once again…

You are you! You can’t stop being you, just because somebody says, that you are somebody else.

I couldn’t say it better – wise choice in life