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I don’t wanna talk about it (how you broke my heart)

I can tell by your eyes that you’ve prob’bly been cryin’ forever,
and the stars in the sky don’t mean nothin’ to you, they’re a mirror.
I don’t wanna talk about it, how you broke my heart.
If I stay here just a little bit longer,
If I stay here, won’t you listen to my heart, whoa, heart?

If I stand all alone, will the shadow hide the color of my heart;
blue for the tears, black for the night’s fears.
The star in the sky don’t mean nothin’ to you, they’re a mirror.
I don’t wanna talk about it, how you broke my heart.
If I stay here just a little bit longer,
if I stay here, won’t you listen to my heart, whoa, heart?

I don’t wanna talk about it, how you broke this ol’ heart.If I stay here just a little bit longer,
if I stay here, won’t you listen to my heart, whoa, heart?
My heart, whoa, heart.

I like a lot this song. It was one of those, which refrain I was singing without knowing English. I’m sorry Rod ( Steward), that  I choose Ive (Mendez), but today I’m in mood for smooth jazz.

Ok,  Rod, let people chose 🙂

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Proud of my heart

I found it right now on facebook, in “Book of Quote”. I like it, because it could be my own.

Does true love always has to hurt…

Today I’m in melancholic mood. I don’t like myself like that. I prefer to be full of energy and claim new goals in life. But melancholy is also a part of me, so I’m trying to enjoy such moments in life. The best I can.

Does true love really has to hurt always? Does happy love exists only in fairy tales? “And they lived long and happily together”. Why it’s so easy in fairy tales, and so difficult in real…

To late to apologize

My best friend reminded me this song. I like it a lot since very long time.


Apologize – lyrics

I’m holding on your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground
And I’m hearing what you say
But I just can’t make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down
But wait…
You tell me that you’re sorry
Didn’t think I’d turn around and say..

That it’s too late to apologize, it’s too late
I said it’s too late to apologize, it’s too late

I’d take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
(But that’s nothing new)
Yeah yeah

I loved you with a fire red, now it’s turning blue
And you say
Sorry like the Angel Heaven let me think was you,
But I’m afraid

It’s too late to apologize, it’s too late
I said it’s too late to apologize, it’s too late
Woahooo woah

It’s too late to apologize, it’s too late
I said it’s too late to apologize, it’s too late
I said it’s too late to apologize, yeah
I said it’s too late to apologize, yeah

I’m holding on your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground…

Confessions

More, than 3 years ago, I broke with my bf. Or maybe rather I pushed him to say straight about his plans for future. We were dating since 3 years. But it was a strange relationship. We could spend hours on talking about everything. But it was never real relationship. Maybe it was my fault, that I kept him on a distance since the beginning. We were going out together, visiting each other,  talking, eating… but no more. 21st century, two adult people, and nothing. Funny.  Or not at all.  I thought, that it was because his family was utterly religious. Some friend suspected him even for being a gay, because of having sexy girl close, and doing nothing. But I was also cold, and I’m not a lesbian, so lets skip it. Till now, he remembers about my birthday, Christmas, Women Day etc. and is sending wishes always… but avoiding meeting.

I was a bit depressed after break up, so my friend advised me to come on net, and meet people all over the world. I was always curious different cultures, countries, religions, so I liked that idea. He sent me links to Facebook, PerFspot, and some other social sites, which I even don’t remember now.

On the beginning, I knew nothing about virtual life, and people here. I was honest and sincere in real, so I was the same on virtual… and I thought, that people arround are the same. I was to naive, to trustful. And I payed for that.

I met some man on Facebook. He was talking about love, sending pictures with flowers. It was nice. And it fed my ego after break up with T.  But with time I started being afraid of that man. He was to despotic, to grady. I didn’t know Muslim men before. I didn’t know, how to behave with them. I chose coward’s solution. I went away without a word. I thought, that soon he will forget me. At least it was virtual. I thought, that it’ll be the best for him… And that way I got horrible bunny boiler.

He found me on perfspot. Of course he had another identity. He was a nice friend. Once I even asked him, is he that man from facebook, but he denied, and I believed him. He got my trust. He knew very well, who was on the top of my friends list, for who I cared the most. And soon strange people were appearing close to them. To talk bad about me, and to make them leave me. Now I know, that he made many fake accounts of males and females to fight with me. To take revenge.  He was also clever enough to get some helpful people, who were helping him to destroy my every relationship. I didn’t know, how to fight with such people. I thought, that honesty will be enough. It wasn’t! I couldn’t also win their methods, because they were against my nature. I tried, and I felt vomits then, so I decided to be myself no matter what. The best solution was ignoring.

After time, when once I provoked him, and he uncovered cards, I remembered, that I caught him on some lies before. But I didn’t pay to big attention on them. Now I know, that it was mistake.

When he sent me 1st rude message from account on fb of that man, who I blocked, I even tried to apologise. I said sorry for hurting him by leaving without a word. I advised him to forget me, and start living his own life. It was really the best for him, because hate spoiled his life completely, and spoiling my life became his obsession. I got an answer, that I am old, ugly whore, who nobody wants to f..k etc. etc. Nice man. So I said, that I felt in the past, that he could be so rude, and aggressive, and that I made right decision by leaving him.

By the way, how he could send me message from account blocked by me? I thought, that it was impossible. hm

Facebook finally blocked him… but he was keeping attacking me from other accounts. Time to time some people were sending me friends requests. Most of them were even nice. Oh, he is perfect in playing nice. But just to get some informations to use them then against me.  With time I could recognise very fast his every fake identity.

Good for me, that all that happened to me on virtual. I prefer don’t think, what would happen, if it was in real. Good, that my dog, and cats can feel safe.  Hm, but he wanted, playing my good friend, visit me in my house. I didn’t give him my address, but he is so obsessed with me, that he can be able to find me in real too. Brrrrr

I’m sure, that he will read this article. Probably he will become furious again. But long time ago I stopped care. I tried to make a peace between us. He rejected. So he can keep spoiling his life with obsession of spoiling mine. In the past I wanted to help him, I felt pity, I felt even guilty… but no more!

Conclusion? We have to be really carefull with people on virtual. We never know who is that person on other pc.

I couldn’t say it better – live life the best you can

I’m not in mood for writing. Maybe because of what happened on Jersey. I hope, that you’ll enjoy the quote, which I chose for today.

Vanished memories on yellow leaves – another saved poem

Another piece of writings of some teenager girl. I was probably about 16.

***

I need to see you

I know, that I have to

But I feel, that I can’t

I’m afraid

But when I see you again…

what ‘ll tell you then?

I can’t still

to blow out my memory

of the day when

I broke that weak thread

being a connection

my and

your feelings

I wish to you forgive me

that mistake

Help me to tie that broken thread

strong knot to

it was one unbreakable

integrity

Letter to nowhere – questions with no answers.

Your silence does not hurt me now… Does it mean, that I love you no more? Does it mean, that I became wiser, and that, as self-defence reaction because of too much pain gotten before, I became a stone hearted?


I am not crying since long time. Does it mean, that I am cold now?  Or maybe it means, that I cried oceans, and my eyes became dry, and even when I want to cry, I just can’t?

You told me long time ago, that you knew, that you made a damage in me… So what, that you knew it? Should I suffer less because of that?

You told me – “Stop thinking about me. Stop hurting yourself”. My mind listened… but heart was duff. But if you knew, that there was no future for us, why would you play with my feelings? What kind of profit would you get from that game? My pain?

My friend told me, that we need balance between mind and heart in life. If we can’t get it, we won’t be happy, and our life won’t be complete. He didn’t tell me, how to find that balance.

There are a lot of questions. Mostly without answers. And even if we get answers, mostly it’ll be too late to safe anything.  If anyway we get something, mostly it’ll be only precious knowledge. About our selves. About people. About life. But does that knowledge can make us happy?

I am not sad. Not at all. I just wish to know answers.  But maybe I should stop making questions? Maybe I should stop thinking, and just catch a day?

Letter to nowhere – you were all my life

Sometimes pain inside is so big that you have to share it to survive. So I started sending long time ago letters to account used no more by somebody, who gone.


Memories

I remember days, when you cared for me, when I felt special and unique. Our friend told me once, that she was visiting my page very often to see your human face. All people knew you as extremely arrogant boy, but you’ve never been like that for me. You were always nice, full of care and respect.

I didn’t want to fall in love with you. Not at all. I was to big realist to believe that there was any future for us. I don’t know, how it happened, that I fell in love with you. I really didn’t want it… maybe because I felt subconsciously, that it will kill me some day.

I didn’t want to fall in love with you, because I was afraid, that it’ll destroy everything, what was before.  I even didn’t suspect, how much I was right about it. If I knew it, I would never let myself to fall in love with you.

You broke my heart a while after I fell in love with you.  Like you were waiting for that moment to put a knife deep inside my heart, when it’ll hurt the most. Till now I don’t know, why all that happened to me? My the only fault was, that I loved you too much.

You were all my life. When you gone, I lost my reasons for life. It’s miracle, that I’m still alive.

I’ll be alright

Long time ago, when I felt pain of broken heart, some of my friends, girl from Russia, sent me this song. I felt much better after listening to it. Friend vanished with time, but I kept this song, and I’m listening to it time to time. When I need positive energy.

It’s about broken heart, but it sounds very optimistic.

I’ll Be Alright lyrics

Tell me is it worth the pain
When your pride plays the wrong game
Blinded by suspicious mind
Thought u could read my heart and cross the line

In everything you see

Keep everything back me

Though my broken heart, tear my dreams apart
I’ll be alright
I’ll be alright

Just a broken heart, and a world to fight
I’ll be alright
I’ll be alright

Keep that bad taste in your mouth
Have your truth stay on your side
Unleash all your demons free
They’ve been hiding
All that you’ve refused to see
Take everything back me

Though my broken heart, tear my dreams apart
I’ll be alright
I’ll be alright

Just a broken heart, not a word to fight
I’ll be alright
I’ll be alright

All fears aside, I’ll be alright

Through the years, many tears
I have wasted
I’ve moved on,
moving on

Can’t erased, can’t replaced
What I’ve tasted
Life goes on and on…