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Letter to my friend

I knew, that you were waiting for my awakening from that bad dream. That you were waiting for the day, when I’ll take my head up, and I’ll go without a fear toward future proud of who I am.

Since I met you I was growing stronger and stronger day by day. And I was much more proud of myself day by day. But now I feel, that nothing can stop me on my way to happy life. I’m smiling full smile. And I’ll keep it for ever. 

I don’t regret things, which happened to me, because they all made me, who I am now.

I was becoming stronger and wiser day by day. And probably only pain and suffering could be able to do so. I know, that other people have more luck, and they grow up to strength and wisdom in more pleasant circumstances. But I had all the time great friends close to me. And you were the best. Thanks you my way was not so painful. And I walked more easily and more bravely having your arm close.

You saw me as I am, and you have never doubted in me. You are the real friend. Real treasure.

You were making me smiling, you were giving me power to live. You were helping me to stand up always, when somebody tried to pull me down. For all that I’m thankful you endlessly.

You were my Guardian Angel. You still are, and I hope, that you’ll always be. But I’ll try to take off a part of responsibility from your shoulders to give you more space:) I’ll go proudly toward future knowing, that you are always there for me, whenever I need you. That you are always with me in your thoughts, and that I am always in your heart. 

You helped me to become, who I am, and you’ll be for ever a part of me.

I decided to publish my letter to you in my blog. I’m sure, that you don’t mind.

Love you endlessly.

Yours now and forever

Sunbeam  

Andres – I’m proudly calling him my best friend 🙂

Letter to nowhere – I’m glad, that I met you

I told you, that I prefered friendship, because I knew my self too well. I knew, what will happen, if I let myself to fall in love with you. Don’t say, that I didn’t warn you.

When I’m in love, I’m becoming mad. I don’t care for anybody, but for the man I’m in love with. I could die for him, kill for him, go to the center of the hell after him. I am possessive, and jealous. Not much, when I can trust a man, and when he is not giving me reasons for jealousy. But when he is lying and cheating, I’m like volcano, which can erupt in every moment.

I am sweet, nice, loving and caring for somebody who can appreciate it, but furious and unpredictable for somebody, who is hurting my feelings. When I feel powerless, I’m crying.

I am easy in service. Be honest, sincere, and loyal, and I will be an angel for you. And you will taste all the best in me. Don’t try to use me or cheat me, because you’ll see my evil side. If you across some limits, I’ll delete you from my life for ever as you have never existed.

I will never regret, that I met you, although it almost killed me. You thought me a lot. Especially about my self. You gave me support many times. You gave me many good advises. You made me laughing, when I was sad. For all that I’m thankful you.

Without knowing you, I couldn’t even know, that I was able to so big, and so unconditional love.

I’m glad, that you appeared on my path of life, because God put you there to make me wiser and stronger.

Life is about up & down

Even in the darkest night some light can appear. We just have to see a chance for us, and use it in proper time.

Hm, I didn’t plan to let “Blondie” rules in my blog 😉 I let her come here for fun. I was thinking about making “Blondie’s diaries” another blog, and maybe I’ll do that, but now I’ll keep it as it is.

I am not any heartbreaker like blondie from my blog… Or maybe I am. I heard different opinions about me.  But I’ve never hurted anybody with premeditation. If it happens, it’ll just happen. I hate games with feelings.

Life is always going up and down. For everybody. I don’t know anybody, who is always up, and anybody, who is always down. Some people think, that they are down for ever, and nothing good can happen to them, but mostly they are wrong.

I got some useful ability of turning failures into successes.  When I feel, that I am on the bottom, I’m jumping hight… because I can feel ground under my feet 🙂 So if you feel, that you can’t fall more down, feel the groud, and jump!

“When the darkness is the deepest new possibilities are borning”, “Every end can be a new beginning”, “What will not kill me, will make me stronger” – they are my favourite quotations. I experienced all this.  I experienced things, which could kill someone else or although push him/her in very deep depression. But I’m still alive, and I’m still smiling, and enjoying life.

When you feel, that you life doesn’t have any sense, come to me… and I’ll kick your ass to fly hight 🙂

Don’t let anybody and anything take control over your life. It’s your life, and only you can make it valuable. No matter what others say or do. They are guests in your life, but you are an owner.

Rise & fall lyrics:

Sometimes in life you feel the fight is over,
And it seems as though the writings on the wall,
Superstar you finally made it,
But once your picture becomes tainted,
It’s what they call,
The rise and fall [x2]

I always said that I was gonna make it,
Now it’s plain for everyone to see,
But this game I’m in don’t take no prisoners,
Just casualties,
I know that everything is gonna change,
Even the friends I knew before may go,
But this dream is the life I’ve been searching for,
Started believing that I was the greatest,
My life was never gonna be the same,
Cause with the money came a different status,
That’s when things change,
Now I’m too concerned with all the things I own,
Blinded by all the pretty girls I see,
I’m beginning to lose my integrity

Sometimes in life you feel the fight is over,
And it seems as though the writings on the wall,
Superstar you finally made it,
But once your picture becomes tainted,
It’s what they call,
The rise and fall

I never used to be a troublemaker,
Now I don’t even wanna please the fans,
No autographs,
No interviews,
No pictures,
Endless demands,
Give into vices that was clearly wrong,
The type that seems to make me feel so right,
But some things you may find can take over your life,
Burnt all my bridges now I’ve run out of places,
And there’s nowhere left for me to turn,
Been caught in comprimising situations,
I should have learnt,
From all those times I didn’t walk away,
When I knew that it was best to go,
Is it too late to show you the shape of my heart,

Sometimes in life you feel the fight is over,
And it seems as though the writings on the wall,
Superstar you finally made it,
But once your picture becomes tainted,
It’s what they call,
The rise and fall

Now I know,
I made mistakes,
Think I don’t care,
But you don’t realise what this means to me,
So let me have,
Just one more chance,
I’m not the man I used to be,
Used to beeeeeeeeeee

Sometimes in life you feel the fight is over,
And it seems as though the writings on the wall,
Superstar you finally made it,
But once your picture becomes tainted,
It’s what they call,
The rise and fall [x4]

I am not the God… mean how to enjoy work.

I have that luck, that kids love me. And I have that luck, that people, who are paying me since almost 11 years are able to see that 🙂

Yesterday I was thinking about my work and kids, with whom I work. They are really amazing. Sometimes naughty and very noisy, but mostly sweet.

On the beginning, I didn’t like my work. It wasn’t, what I was dreaming about. I prefered to work with teenagers. I had great communication with them. I was a bit afraid of kids. Especially little ones. I was afraid, that I wont find a way to communicate with them. That I am to serious.

With time, and some courses of self perfection, I changed my point of view, and I started enjoying my work.
Before, very often, when I was coming back to home from work, I was terrible tired. But after those courses, I found my self smiling or even laughing on the way from work to home. I was laughing remembering, what funny kids did.

Sometimes I’m dieing from laugh with kids. For example, when in some play on command “on the horse”, when kids have to find another to jump fast like on the horse, one girl tried to jump on some small boy, and second was pulling his leg to make him jump on her. Poor boy 😉 And I learned to play with them. I’m laughing with them, when I make something funny.

Not always is nicely. I work with kids from pathological families, with problems in school, and with kids in their age. It’s not easy to teach them to solve problems peaceful way, to not show agression. To discuss points of views, not to argue using laud voice and humilitations. I’m always repeating them – “don’t do to others, what you don’t want to they do for you”. When some kid, who hurted before other kids but not right attitude, is coming to me to cry, becouse some other kids did the same for her/ him, I’m saying – It wasn’t nice, and she/he should say sorry, but now you feel, what they felt, when you were acting the same way. So don’t do that anymore. And you will see, that they will treat you also better”.

Many times, when I was strong in my decisions, some kids were crying and threatening me, that they wont come on my group anymore. It was, when they couldn’t get from me, what they wanted, when I didn’t take their side in some dispute. But they were always coming back. They know, that I am always trying to be justify and objective. And when I said – “you are not right, try to think peacefully, and you will see, that your attitude wasn’t nice and correct,” I had real reasons to say so.

When I was starting my work, I had to weak heart to act strong with kids. But soon I learned, that consequence is the best way of teaching them anything. Since the beginning kids know, that there are some limits, which I’ll never let them across. I can’t accept vulgar language, laud voice while discussing, lies, and 1st of all, they can’t hurt each other physically, and emotionally. I am able to close my eyes for many things, and let them to do almost all, but not across those limits.

I thought, that even if I lost my job, nobody will take from me, all great things, which I experienced. Kids love, changes in them made with my help. All joys, all experiences. It’s my profit, which nobody can’t take away from me.

I like watching effects of my work. Changes in kids, consolidation of group. But I learned also to accept fact, that not always we can get, what we planned. I am not the God. I am only human. My abilities are limited. Not always I can claim, what I want.